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Minicourse · Activity 8 of 10
Encouraging Self-Reflection (“How did you feel?”)
How questions such as “How did you feel?” help students name their emotions, communicate calmly in conflicts and understand others, with reflection questions and classroom routines.
Key takeaways
- Self-reflection means thinking about our own emotions and reactions; a simple question such as “How did you feel?” can start the process.
- Students who can identify and name their feelings are more likely to manage their reactions constructively.
- In conflicts, “I felt frustrated when you didn't listen to me” opens a conversation where “You never listen to me” starts another conflict.
- Four questions support reflection: How did you feel? What made you feel that way? How do you think the other person felt? What could you do differently next time?
- Build reflection into routines with circle time, reflection journals, short discussions and individual conversations.
What is self-reflection and why does it matter for students?
Self-reflection means thinking about our own emotions and reactions. It helps students understand what they feel, why they react in certain ways and how their emotions influence their behaviour. Students experience many feelings at school — happiness, anger, frustration, embarrassment, nervousness, pride, disappointment — and learning to recognise them builds emotional awareness. Students who can name their feelings are more likely to stop and think instead of reacting immediately.
How does self-reflection help during conflicts?
Students who can explain their feelings communicate more calmly. Instead of “You never listen to me”, a student can say “I felt frustrated when you didn't listen to me.” That creates an opportunity for conversation rather than another conflict. Understanding their own emotions also helps students consider how another person might feel, which develops empathy, respect and stronger relationships.
Which questions can teachers ask to encourage reflection?
How did you feel? What made you feel that way? How do you think the other person felt? What could you do differently next time?
The lesson gives an example from a group project. A student feels a teammate did not listen. The teacher asks, “How did you feel when your teammate didn't listen to you?” The student answers, “I felt frustrated because I thought my ideas were not important.” The teacher then asks how the teammate might have felt and what the student could do differently next time, so the conflict becomes an opportunity to learn.
How can reflection become part of everyday classroom routines?
Circle time, reflection journals, short discussions and individual conversations give students regular opportunities to think about their experiences and emotions. Another step is learning to name emotions accurately: instead of “I felt bad”, students can learn to say “I felt angry”, “I was embarrassed”, “I felt nervous” or “I was disappointed”. The more accurately students describe a feeling, the easier it is to understand and manage.
Video transcript
Generated automatically from the video's audio or subtitles; it may contain small errors.
Encouraging self-reflection is an important part of students' emotional and social development. It helps students understand what they feel, why they react in certain ways, and how their emotions influence their behaviour. A simple question such as, how did you feel, can be the beginning of this process.
Self-reflection means thinking about our own emotions and reactions. Students experience many different feelings at school, including happiness, anger, frustration, embarrassment, nervousness, pride, or disappointment. Learning to recognize these emotions helps students understand themselves better. Emotional reflection also builds emotional awareness. When students can identify and name their feelings, they are more likely to manage their reactions in a constructive way. Instead of reacting immediately, they can stop and think, why do I feel this way? Or, what can I do now? This is especially important during conflicts.
Students who can explain their feelings are better able to communicate calmly. Instead of saying, you never listen to me, a student can say, I felt frustrated when you didn't listen to me. This creates an opportunity for conversation rather than another conflict. Understanding our own emotions also helps us understand other people. Students begin to consider how another person might feel. This develops empathy, respect, kindness, and stronger relationships. Teachers can support this process with simple questions. How did you feel? What made you feel that way? How do you think the other person felt? And what could you do differently next time?
Reflection can also become part of everyday classroom routines. Circle time, reflection journals, short discussions, and individual conversations give students regular opportunities to think about their experiences and emotions. Another important step is learning to name emotions accurately. Instead of simply saying, I felt bad, students can learn to say, I felt angry, I was embarrassed, I felt nervous, or I was disappointed. The more accurately students describe their feelings, the easier they become to understand and manage. Imagine a conflict during a group project. A student feels that a teammate did not listen. The teacher asks, how did you feel when your teammate didn't listen to you?
The student might answer, I felt frustrated because I thought my ideas were not important. The teacher can then ask, how do you think your teammate felt? And what could you do differently next time? In this way, conflict becomes an opportunity for learning and growth. Finally, teachers should reflect on their own practice. How often do I ask my students about their feelings? And remember, when we ask, how did you feel in that situation? We encourage reflection rather than simply telling students to forget their emotions. Emotional reflection helps students develop empathy, communicate more effectively, and manage conflicts constructively.
Sometimes one simple question, how did you feel, can make a meaningful difference.
10 videos
Part 1: Understanding Empathy
1Understanding Empathy in Education
Active Listening in the Classroom
Seeing Individuality Beyond the Group
Emotion Validation in the Classroom
Exploring the Emotions Behind Behavior
Part 2: Empathy in Everyday Teaching Practice
6Using Empathy and Emotions in Responding to Misbehavior and Mistakes
Behavior vs Identity
Encouraging Self-Reflection (“How did you feel?”)
Empathy with Healthy Boundaries
Identifying and Managing My Own Emotions